Saturday, January 21, 2012

Soft Hammer Soft Head...

I watched a video on 911 and um... will you come over and watch it with me tonight so I might share this cognitive dissonance, this shocking horror... this psychological rape and debilitating revelation with someone? and please bring liquor... 80 proof... at least... 
a couple percocets would help... if you have any left ... 
don't worry about dinner... you won't eat for a week.... I like your hair like that....



Okay let’s review…what have we collectively learned thus far as a brain trust…all our minds working together…Individual researchers specializing in various sciences, issues and hidden truths…

um…

uh…

well…

I think…

hmmmmm…

How about this…

at 6pm we synchronize taking hammers to our computers…

remember 6pm everyone…

we take back our brains from the silicon brain snatchers…

I have been cleaning and sharpening my hammer…

I suggest starting with the mouse then keyboard then tower…Stomping is recommended too…

We have a few more hours ‘our’ time yet (not that crazy foreigner time) but in case we never communicate again…

I look forward to seeing you all in the community garden…

I’m planting radishes and I have already signed up to chair the clean up the toxic puddle committee…

I love you all…even the evil double agents…

farewell comrades, we will always have BFC in our collective minds and hearts…




From the computer archives we find this random article published in 2005. Yes I was a sarcastic absurdist bastard back then too. Goes back to childhood. My Kindergarten teacher reported me to the FBI.

Japan Announces Plan to Attack Pearl Harbor again 

Just when America seemed to be running out of good enemies Japan announced Thursday that they will be attacking Pearl Harbor again on a date that rhymed with December 7. Experts whipped out their rhyming dictionaries but got frustrated and consulted Snoop Doggy Dogg who was very good with rhyming. He said maybe September 11…Maybe November 11…Or 7…Which was ruled out immediately because even the Japanese wouldn’t rhyme 7 with 7. Some guy in the corner of one of those really awkward pentagon corners asked, “But why?” And everybody stopped and thought about the provocative question for a moment…why indeed.

“Somebody call Japan and ask.” Came a voice from another one of those awkward corners of the pentagon. Since the calling rates were better after 9pm they waited to make the call but by then it was too late. Japan attacked Pearl Harbor. Blowing up several cruise ships and the memorial which landed on top of newly renamed Pepsi Volcano. George Bush who was finally finishing up that really long 12 page book on goats quickly turned to Karl Rove who whispered, “short Asians…Sony…Arnold on Happy Days…” George pretended to understand and struck a pose. 



According to this book Homeland Security's Guide To Assessing The Home Grown Terrorist in Your Family... Geno falls under the mentally ill but relatively harmless subsection called Sorta Nutty...More likely to confuse the public than lead the public... and it is recommended you find him a job in a parking garage where his one function is sitting and making basic change. They urge you to allow him to have an Ipod but the approved listening list includes The soft rock group Bread or Mac Davis. 



You know what there is power in?

A Gordito Fiesta Burrito at Taco bell…

Feed an angry union some of those and bam…bargaining table…

outside…



Dear Taco Bell

I am writing you in regards to your powerful Gordito Fiesta Burrito.

Hoo boy, you people can take the same ingredients over and over again, re-arrange them to create magic.

The gordito Fiesta Burrito that cleverly layers beef, cheese, lettuce, beans, hot sauce, lettuce and tomatoes completely counter clockwise to your Super Fiesta Taco Nacho Quesadilla…How do you do it?

Do you have the greatest minds in taco science in a room re-arranging those 7 ingredients in numerically infinite possibilities or what?

I know you are busy, oh by the way I ordered jalapenos on the side last week at the Monona drive taco bell in monona wisconsin and the angry young black woman in the window charged me for them but forgot to put them in the bag. The reason I know she was angry was because she missed my hand with the nickle change and she said, “I ain’t fetchin’ it cuz you can’t hold onto your damn change.”

But that is just a sidenote, her name I think was Burritoniqua which I think is an amazing coincidence. Perhaps you could promote her by virtue of her name?

Anyway, uh…

I can’t remember.

um…

um….

uh….

Crap…stupid statins in the water…

oh crap…

hmmm.

huh…

oh boy…mind is blank…

never mind.

Keep up the good work….

Buenos Nachos

Gene

A taco bell fanatic.






7 minutes to 6 east coast time…raise your hammers high…

central and pacific…

uh….

quick grab your hammers…

you guys can do it at 5pm and 3pm respectfully…

hurry…

and China Asia Tokyo or where ever you foreigners are at 8am respectfully…

Send that last email…post that last rant…

Love you guys…

it’s been fun but you are going to love this new life and thank me for it…

One day this date will be Geno day…

hint hint…

Okay…2 minutes…

1 minute…

Goodbye dell studio 17…you were a wolf in cheap clothing…

SMASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stupid nerf hammer…

who replaced my newly sharpened hammer with a nerf hammer?

my apologies to everyone who destroyed their computers on my urging…let’s try again tomorrow…




Will write Jokes for 50 smackers….

1. Dr. Martin Kafka, a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard asked about New York Representatives Anthony Weiner’s  texting of a picture of his penis had this to say about this sort of behavior,

“Any child who endures weiner jokes his entire life will more often than not spend a lot of time thinking about his weiner and thinking other people are thinking about his weiner and in some cases may think they want to see his weiner…we call this condition crappynamathosis….


She asked me to put lipstick on it and text a pic and it turns out she is a he and he is the Mayor...




2. A forest fire continued to rage across eastern Arizona for the tenth day Wednesday, pushing more residents from their homes and sending thick smoke across several states.
Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Tent city prison is being watched extra carefully to make sure the prisoners in orange jumpsuits don’t take advantage of the camouflage and pretend to be flames…

3. Late Monday afternoon, U.S. District Court Judge Susan Richard Nelson issued a ruling that may significantly alter professional football as we know it.

The new rules would allow every player to enter the league as an unrestricted free agent, an independent contractor free to sell his services to any team -- in other words they would end the draft--  the draft is what many players think… is what confused Patrick Tillman….

(boo hiss soundtrack)

Quip: Jeesh even the laugh track thought that was in poor taste…

4. In a poll this week, GOP voters were asked, they would be comfortable with a Mormon president, 60 percent of voters said they would be "comfortable" compared to 36 percent who said they'd be "uncomfortable." The 60% of voters then hung up the phone and went back to making love to their dozen fertile young obedient wives.

5. Although Palin and Bachmann remain public allies, a relationship cemented when the Alaskan stumped for the congresswoman in her Minnesota district during her hard-fought, expensive, and polarizing 2010 re-election. But sources in both camps said there are signs that the private relationship is also fraying.

One insider said that Bachman tried to help Sarah Palin with her recent historical tour by prepping her with flash cards… Simple colorful illustrations on the flashcards of A man on a horse was Paul Revere and another of a man on a boat crossing a river was George Washington…but Sarah kept yelling out, “Summer camp!”

6.  The insurers of Michael Jackson's ill-fated "This Is It" London comeback concerts have asked a judge to nullify a $17.5 million policy taken out by promoters, saying they were never told that the singer was taking powerful drugs.

“Our insurance policy writer was right there in Neverneverland on the tea cup saucer ride in his back yard, with bobo the chimp and his  Jesus juice sippy cup drinking entourage of 9 year olds and never once did anyone give us an indication that this man was on drugs.”




cash sniffing dogs at the airport? Besides Hari Krishna you mean?



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